Memoir: Memories last forever.

Do you believe that everything has a reason? That everything that happens on your life is in God’s plan. What if something happen in your life that you didn’t expect all along? This is the part of my life that changes everything for the start. This story that I’ve share to you is one of my secrets that I been keep a years ago to hide what I really feel and to hide who really I am.

This is started when I was a child. If I’m not mistaken, it is a summer before I go to Grade 5 in elementary level.  I really miss my Mom. She living with her second husband and their 3 Childs and then I was living in my Grandmother. When I was in my grandmother, I do a lot of things to do. I work as a part-time and also I studied some general educations in Grade 4. When summer comes, I really want to go in my Mother’s house because I really want her to see. I keep all of my money I gain in my part-time work. Then one bad thing happened to her I really shocked. She had a disease. I don’t remember exactly what that disease is but she had it because of too much work. To help her I gave her my full savings. Then I go to their house to check if she alright. When I arrived, she is alright at that time. She thanked me for what I do to help her. Then she wants me to live to them and transferred. I shocked so I think quietly. Finally, I have my decision. I answered her. YES.

Hours, days, weeks, even a months left me behind. She doesn’t have a work anymore and my stepfather was stacked because he doesn’t have work. When I asked my mother why did he don’t have work? She replied while staring mad at me: “What do what me to do? He don’t have work because he taking care of your siblings and you also.” I don’t reply anymore. That day after, the owner of the house knocked at the door madly. That morning everything seems noisy. We have a debt for 5 months from the rent and we have to pay for our bills in water and electricity. My mother called her friends to borrowed to pay them but no one’s answered. They do everything to solve the problem.  One night, my mother said: “Get ready. We need to see your Ninong (Sponsor). He might help us. Then I gear up. When we are in the way to see him, she always talked to me what to do. I don’t want it to share with you because it is private stuffs. Then we finally arrived. At first, i am so nervous but when we saw him. My heart slowly calm down. They talked each other. I don’t know what they talk about. Then he talked to me: “How are you? You’re too handsome like me.” I just smiled because of being shy. “That nails you have, the same as I have.” He point out his fingers then I agreed that is look the same. “You really have my characteristics, there is no doubt. “You are my son”.  But I smiled because I thought this is just a joke.

That day after, I woke up early because I have a nightmare. That morning, everything seems quite. I want to turn-on the television but it might wake them up. So I just have to look of my mother’s cellphone to play games. But something doesn’t right. Someone text her and that is him. I open that message. I read, I shocked then I read it again. I analyze everything. Then when I finally understand everything, I instantly cried with noticing them. Without a sound, I cried and cried a lot. I found that he is my biological father. They hide everything to me and to the family. They keep me believe that our father is in other country. That person I been hated from the beginning is not my father. My older sister and my younger brother’s father. That worthless man who abandons us when I was a child is not my father. I really shocked and really sad. Until now, I really want ask God why did he done this. I feel being used then left behind. Until now, I just keep this secret that hurt me the most and change everything I have. Everything I saw is like damn fake. Sometimes I don’t even believe someone.

I have a lot of stories of my life. That stories change everything I have until now. But this story I shared to you is the most a keep. I write this story of mine because until now I can’t take the truth that I’m just dump left behind. That I just a fruit of their mistakes.